Where do we begin?

I know it's been about 4 months since I blogged, but that's  mostly because  I haven't had much to say.

My entire pregnancy, I was detached. I didn't really get excited for another baby, because what if I didn't get to keep him? I know it was a defense mechanism, but I couldn't help feeling the way I did. I didn't want another baby--I wanted Abigail back.

I was worried I wouldn't be able to love Harrison as much as I loved Abigail, or that he wouldn't be as attached to me as she was.

But then something amazing happened: he was born. I didn't have the flood of overwhelming joy that I experienced with Abigail, since she was my first live birth after losing Joshua. But I did love him instantly, and it felt as if we belonged together.

I felt terrible for all the times I said I didn't want a baby, but knew he'd never feel unwanted.

He's only been here just over a week, but I'm so thankful  for him. He's the most mild-mannered, easy-going baby I've ever met. And he's all mine!

It's been amazing to see Oleg step up as a dad and husband,  and there is no way I could do this without him.

It's amazing how life works. I'll never understand why families have to suffer pregnancy and infant loss, but I'm beyond grateful for my 3rd chance.

I could not have asked for a better baby or a better family. I certainly count my blessings.

Today I pray for all the moms and dads suffering from the loss of their child or children.  I pray for peace in their hearts, and miracles in their lives.

~mak