Life's a dance~

Today is Harrison's first birthday--what?! How can that be??

I cannot believe he has been earthside for a whole year now!

 

This has certainly be a wild year, but I wouldn't trade a single day.

Having a 1 year old may not seem like a big deal to some, but it's a huge deal to me. This is the longest I've had the privilege of being a mom and watching my little baby grow into a person.
 

Harry has taught me so much about life, but he's also taught me a lot about myself.

When I first had him, I doubted myself a lot. I thought that there was no way I was cut out to be a mom, and maybe there's a reason my first two babies were taken from me. As cynical as that sounds, it's how I thought. But after awhile, I realized that wasn't true. Being a mom is most certainly a job I'm qualified for. I may not always know what I'm doing, but I love my little boy with my whole heart and I would do anything for him.
 

Having him has also taught me that I can't do everything on my own; I've learned to ask for help. We have had a tough year, and I am so very thankful for all of our family and friends that have helped support us. Being home with Harry was totally worth it all!
 

I have become far more sensitive and empathetic since having him and I love that! I didn't know my heart could hold so much love, but it constantly feels like it might explode. 

I am so in love with my little man and I feel like he was always meant to be mine and me his. I love everything about him. How he smiles when he sees me, how he fits perfectly in my arms. How sometimes all he wants is a snuggle.

He's starting to talk and copy everything we do, which is absolutely adorable! I know this might sound like a giant run-on sentence, so I apologize. 

I am so proud to be his mommy, and I just wanted to say happy birthday to my sweet sweet baby!!

 

There is no greater love

Joshua,

Happy birthday sweet boy! I cannot believe it's already been 3 years since we said good-bye. On the same token, so much has happened in the last 3 years, it feels like that was a lifetime ago.

I can tell your story without batting an eye or shedding a tear now. Some would say that's from growing stronger or moving forward, but honestly I allowed myself to become numb to the pain of your loss. For that I am sorry.

When I stop to actually remember what it was like to lose you, my heart aches. You were my firstborn, my first son! Now that I have your brother, I miss you even more. I wonder if you'd be helping him learn to crawl, showing him how to kick a ball, etc. I bet you'd be an awesome big brother (:

I look forward to the day I get to smother you in all my hugs and kisses. I miss you every day baby boy ~ Thank you for taking care of your sister for us.

Happy birthday, little man!

I love you more than you'll ever know.

Love,
Mommy

Good morning, beautiful~

Dearest Abigail,

Two years ago you joined us earthside, and it was amazing! I'd waited so long to meet you, and there you finally were.

I cannot believe it's been two years! I try to imagine what you would be like, but I just can't. I know for certain you would be an amazing big sister <3

I see other heart kids your age, and watch their struggle. As grateful as I am that you're in no pain, I would much rather be fighting alongside you than be missing you every day!

I know that you and Joshua are with us every day, because not a day passes that I don't think of you.

I show Harry your poster and he LOVES it. We could stand smiling at your pictures for hours. I hope that you're having an awesome birthday up there baby girl.

I miss you always<3
I love you to the moon an back.

Happy birthday, beautiful girl.

Love,
Mommy