I'll do anything to hold you in my arms~

   This week has been full of anxiety, stress, and heartache. I had my 18 week ultrasound last week, and everything seemed fine besides the fact that they couldn't find a good picture of Abigail's heart.  I told Oleg I thought something was wrong, but they told us they'd send the results to my doctor and we'd go from there. 

   Well on Monday I got a call from my doctor's nurse saying the doctor is concerned about the development of her heart and wants me to come back for another ultrasound. I already have one scheduled for October 2nd with Maternal Fetal Medicine, so the nurse said she would send them the pictures and if it's urgent, they'll have me come in sooner. MFM called me later Monday afternoon and said they wanted me to come in the next day (must be urgent, I thought.) 

   Tuesday I had yet another ultrasound to get a better view of her heart. The sonographer was very talkative except

when he was studying her heart; I knew that wasn't a good sign.. After the ultrasound, we had to sit in the waiting room for what seemed like forever waiting for the doctor. She finally called us back, and I just knew it wasn't good. She told us Abby's heart is abnormally formed; the right side is small and underdeveloped. This means the bloodflow to her lungs is restricted. She'll need to be taken to NICU immediately following birth, and will need surgery within a couple days after delivery. She will also probably need multiple surgeries throughout life.. 

   I'm not sure why God has given us a second pregnancy complication, but I know he has a plan for everything. I don't quite know how to fathom my new born baby going in for surgery; it brings me to tears every time. 

   All I wanted was a healthy pregnancy, with a beautiful healthy baby that I could take home after birth. I also wanted to avoid induction and c-section, but they most likely won't let her heart be put under the stress of labor and delivery. It seems like everything I wanted to avoid is happening. I'm really scared for her. We have 5 months for things to turn around, for her heart to improve, and right now all I can do is pray. All I can do is ask for prayer because I feel completely helpless. I know she'll be okay, because her big brother is watching over her from heaven. 

  today I pray for strength above all else. 

almost halfway there, still living on a prayer!

   Today I'm 18 weeks pregnant, already!? I had an appointment today and got to see my baby; she's doing great (: I'm feeling ever so blessed that God gave us this second chance.. 

   I know  I often complain about how Oleg and I are doing this all backwards; we should be married then live together and have a baby! But I feel like God wouldn't have given us Joshua when he did if he thought we couldn't handle it. I think we have a really strong, deep, real relationship and I'm thankful for where we are. I know it's a little "backwards" but life happens (quite literally). And I know we'll have a great happy wedding (:

 

 

  I feel like life is really heading in a good direction. Hopefully Oleg will start school in the winter (even though having a baby, full time job and classes will be challenging, i have faith in him).

  I decided I'm not going to quit after having our baby. I'm so young and able, there's really no reason to stop working. It will be nice to have supplemental income to help with college, bills, and our savings. Plus it will get me out of the house, and I know I would miss it a lot if I left. 

   Other than that, not much else is new. I miss Dyll so much! I never see him anymore and it makes me so sad ): I know I need to make more of an effort, though. We're still looking for a place to live, or talking about looking, ha! 

I pray for safety, health, and peace~

streams of mercy never ceasing~

   Wow, what a week! It's been good but busy. Shelby and Addy have lived with us just over a week but it feels much longer! Having them around is fun (: On Sunday we went to the fair and Dyllan came with us; it was HOT!! But mostly fun, and very crowded. I think the kids enjoyed it anyway, which is all that matters <3

   Friday was no fun. I was having pain in my side that moved up to my chest, so we had to go to the ER (since the general practitioner can't do anything but an x-ray, which you can't get when pregnant). We were there for sooo long, just to find out nothing was wrong. Thankfully the pain was random, but I felt silly for even going in. We got to see our baby on a sonogram though, which was fun. 

   Yesterday I finally got the sex confirmed! The sonographer was only 80% sure, but I'll take 80% (; Of course my suspicions were right, and we're having a girl!! Yayy [: Everyone at work was asking me how I was so sure that she was a girl, and how I turned out to be right. I told them I just knew; I knew with Joshua too. I think I'm just very intuitive (; Shelby shares my "gift" of determining the gender of people's babies.. 

  Since Oleg couldn't be at the ultrasound with me, I wanted to surprise him with the sex of our baby. It wasn't quite as fun because we all knew the gender, but I got creative (;

  Anyway, I just wanted to say how thankful I am that my baby's still alive and I'm still healthy. God is so good to us<3

   Today I pray for health and serenity~

~peace.love.mak~