~Grace Like Rain~

This year is going by so fast! A lot of new adventures have begun in just a few months. For starters, we made it to Abigail's first birthday and the first anniversary of her death. We remembered Joshua's passing 2 years ago, too. 

It's funny when people question my faith after "something like this." I've been asked how my faith is untouched by the turn of events over the last 2 years. I just laugh. Where would I be if I had quit believing in God? Probably locked up somewhere. There was a time I wanted to be admitted to a hospital; I feared a mental breakdown. I wanted to give up on my marriage and quit living the lie that I was okay. Thankfully, God knew better. He gently picked me up and carried me, like a father carries his sleeping child. He continued holding my hand even when it wasn't extended. See, the thing about Jesus is he UNDERSTANDS! I am so very thankful that Oleg kept his faith as well. He stood by me when I told him to leave, and for that I'll be forever grateful. I don't think it's possible to ever fully recover from the loss of a child, let alone two. But by the Grace of God we're here!

I wish so often my grandma was still alive. Not only because I admired her and cherished our time together, but because she knows how I'm feeling. She lost a baby girl and went on to have 5 more healthy children, while staying happily married for 50+ years afterwards. There are many nights I wish I could call her just to hear her comforting words. I do smile when I think about my kids spending so much time with her <3

Another exciting adventure from 2015 is that we found out just before Abigail's birthday that we're expecting again. I wasn't sure how to feel; I had pretty much given up the hope of ever having kids. The news came at a perfect time, though, because I was going through a rough patch, heading in a direction I'm thankful I didn't go. I think we're excited, but also reserved. Part of me feels guilty for experiencing any excitement; another part of me finds it hard to get excited because I assume something is going to happen. The last 1/3 of me loves babies and wants nothing more than to be a mom. My love for Abigail was so deep and vast that I can't even imagine feeling that way about anyone else. I'm sure that's going to change the minute I meet him/her~

In other news, Oleg and I have both gotten new jobs (at the same place)! We love them. We're working for a great company, and my work is so laid back! I've never had an office job so I'm still adjusting, but it's pretty great. 
We continue to pick ourselves up a little more each day, and we're making progress. I'm incredibly thankful for the love we receive from family and friends. I'm interested to see where the rest of the year takes us, and I'm prepared for the ride!

Today, I pray for peace of mind and a calm heart~