Dearest Abigail~
I cannot believe I’m still here, standing strong, one year
later. This day last year was a great one. It was beautiful out, and we were so
productive! I remember bringing you into bed with me after Daddy left for work,
but you didn’t want to sleep; you had other plans. I was okay with that,
though, because you were so do darn cute! You were really happy that day <3
I was able to shower without you waking, and that was so refreshing. I got some
chores done around the house, and didn’t mind when you finally awoke. We
listened to music and danced together; it was so nice~
We were having people over for dinner that night, so I was
trying my best to prepare for that. Daddy was a great help when he got home; he
went to the store so you could nap in peace (and I could finish cleaning)!
After Daddy and his friend, David returned, you accompanied me to the gym. You
were so quiet and didn’t mind keeping me company <3 I just loved having you
everywhere with me!
Dinner went well, and we had a lot of people over; the house
was warm with love and laughter. You and Daddy went to bed around the same
time, but I stayed up chatting with friends I hadn’t seen since before you were
born! Your auntie got us a baby monitor with a camera, so I just glanced at you
every few minutes without disturbing you. I finally went to bed a little after
midnight, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep.
I don’t want to delve into your last moments on Earth again,
because I’ve done that once before. Instead, I want to spend today celebrating
you. I want to think about you and smile, not cry. I want to rejoice in your
life, not grieve in your death. You were such a special little girl, and you
changed my world completely. A day will never pass where I don’t think of you,
or the night you left me for good. But I’ve tried to start remembering you with
a positive note again.
Today, I will light a candle in your honor. I will take a
moment of silence to remember you alive, before tomorrow comes. I know that I
will struggle, but I’ve decided to spend the day with people who understand.
Daddy and I will go visit Cassie and Preston, and spend time celebrating your
life together.
I want you to know I love you deeper than I’ve ever loved
anyone, and that will never change. I will never forget you, and will never completely
heal from losing you. But just know that you made me a better person, and I
loved living for you. I would give anything to have another day with you, but
until we meet again, I will just rejoice in your memories. I love you so much
baby~
Fly high, sweet Abigail <3
