third trimester, what?!

   I am officially 2/3 of the way there, woohoo! I'm getting more excited with each passing day and cannot wait for the next 2 months to fly by! 

   This month seems to be very busy, and I'm not sure why. I've had a few appointments, but no more than usual. And have been working a lot, but again, not more than I normally do. I think my brain is on overload trying to prepare for everything. We're planning Thanksgiving dinner, preparing for our dad and brother to stay the weekend, looking forward to Christmas and Addy's birthday, just got maternity pictures, are preparing for a baby, trying to pay off our rings so we can be married before she arrives, planning a real wedding, and so much more!

   Our pictures were such a blast yesterday! We went to Lake Wilderness, and it's so beautiful there! Thank you, God, for the gorgeous sunshine we experienced~ Although it was freezing cold (literally; there was frost on the ground), we had tons of fun. Our photographer was great, too. So great, in fact, that we asked her to shoot our wedding (: I think we also found a wedding venue, so now we can actually plan! There's a lodge at Lake Wilderness, which I guess is a very popular wedding venue (I can see why!). 

   Abby is moving so much these days! I get excited to meet her every time she's awake [: Addy is super excited to have a baby "sister" too; I can't believe her level of comprehension! I really want to crochet her a blanket (like I planned to for Addy), so that she can have it during her hospital stay; if they'll allow it. I also really miss painting, and want to make something for her! There's so much to do, and so little time! Is this what every expectant mom feels like?? Ha!

   We're still unpacking our room, even though we've been here a month already (boy does time fly!). I hung up Abby's clothes in our closet, and it just makes everything seem so real! I love living with Addy, and she seems to melt my heart more and more every day <3 

   Today, I'm bored at home with little motivation to do anything. I really want to go to the gym (I went 4 times last week!), but I feel so lazy today. Hopefully I find motivation somewhere today (; It feels great to be working out again, and I know I'm doing myself and Abby a big favor. I'm 7 months pregnant, and have only gained 5 pounds, so I must be doing something right (; 

   Today is a beautiful day, and I hope to enjoy every moment of it <3 I pray for health, strength, encouragement, and serenity~

  

oh the joys of life~

  I know I haven't blogged in a few weeks, and I apologize. Life is wonderful right now! 

  I'm just about 6.5 months pregnant (26 weeks), and I can't believe how fast time is going; we're not prepared at all for Abigail's arrival! I am really excited for her to be here so I can meet her already, but of course I want her to stay in the safety of my belly until it's time (: 

  I saw the pediatric cardiologist on Thursday, and it was a good appointment. Of course they can't say anything for certain until she's here, but the doctor was much more optimistic this time. He said he has confidence that Abby won't need an operation right away, and might not even need a breathing tube! That means she'll only be in the hospital for maybe a week, and I'll get to hold, feed and snuggle her the whole time <3 God is so good! I really hope He continues to heal her heart. 

   In other news, we're all settled into our new apartment. It took some getting used to, since everything is smaller, but I don't mind it (: As long as we have a roof over our heads, I'm content. Living with Addy is so fun sometimes; I cherish her so much! Although other times it can be challenging, I enjoy it overall (: 

   We carved pumpkins with Dyll the week before Halloween, and had so much fun! I miss him tons and wish he could come over more. 

   I don't think I have anything else to write about today! 

~I pray for health and happiness~

21 weeks and counting...

  Today I'm 21 weeks. This is the farthest I've made it in pregnancy, which is a small sigh of relief. With Abigail's heart abnormality, I'm seeing a different doctor just about every week; it's exhausting trying to keep up! I can't even imagine how many appointments we'll have once she's born, but I do know it will be very challenging to balance all of this with work. And with Oleg working full time / going back to school; I'm full of anxiety. 

  I keep reminding myself every day (many times throughout the day) that all is in God's hands, and I have to handle everything with hope, courage, and honesty. Bad things may happen to us, but God is always there to see us through. And with losing Joshua, and now learning about Abby's heart, I find that to be sooo true! We can't live this life on our own; at least I know I can't. 

   Since I last blogged, we've seen the pediatric cardiologist. He was able to enlighten us with copious amounts of information; I now feel prepared to take on this challenge. There are 2 surgeries she will need for sure, one at 6 months, and one between 2 and 3 years. Depending on her lung and heart function at birth, she may need a surgery immediately (but I'm praying she comes out strong!) The other thing I worried about was inevitably having a c-section; the doctor said unless further complications arise, they'll let me labor and deliver naturally! That makes me feel a little better. Also, I guess UW is really good about letting moms go as soon as possible to be with their babies over at Childrens, which also helps me breathe easier. 

  In other news, we're keeping the really nice apartment we found (even though it's expensive). I'm kind of worried about finances, since we have no idea what the future looks like. I plan to return to work part time, but if Abby requires too much attention, I may not be able to. I guess I should stop worrying and just live one day at a time! 

Today I pray for health. And I want to express my appreciation for all the blessings in life, big and small~

I'll do anything to hold you in my arms~

   This week has been full of anxiety, stress, and heartache. I had my 18 week ultrasound last week, and everything seemed fine besides the fact that they couldn't find a good picture of Abigail's heart.  I told Oleg I thought something was wrong, but they told us they'd send the results to my doctor and we'd go from there. 

   Well on Monday I got a call from my doctor's nurse saying the doctor is concerned about the development of her heart and wants me to come back for another ultrasound. I already have one scheduled for October 2nd with Maternal Fetal Medicine, so the nurse said she would send them the pictures and if it's urgent, they'll have me come in sooner. MFM called me later Monday afternoon and said they wanted me to come in the next day (must be urgent, I thought.) 

   Tuesday I had yet another ultrasound to get a better view of her heart. The sonographer was very talkative except

when he was studying her heart; I knew that wasn't a good sign.. After the ultrasound, we had to sit in the waiting room for what seemed like forever waiting for the doctor. She finally called us back, and I just knew it wasn't good. She told us Abby's heart is abnormally formed; the right side is small and underdeveloped. This means the bloodflow to her lungs is restricted. She'll need to be taken to NICU immediately following birth, and will need surgery within a couple days after delivery. She will also probably need multiple surgeries throughout life.. 

   I'm not sure why God has given us a second pregnancy complication, but I know he has a plan for everything. I don't quite know how to fathom my new born baby going in for surgery; it brings me to tears every time. 

   All I wanted was a healthy pregnancy, with a beautiful healthy baby that I could take home after birth. I also wanted to avoid induction and c-section, but they most likely won't let her heart be put under the stress of labor and delivery. It seems like everything I wanted to avoid is happening. I'm really scared for her. We have 5 months for things to turn around, for her heart to improve, and right now all I can do is pray. All I can do is ask for prayer because I feel completely helpless. I know she'll be okay, because her big brother is watching over her from heaven. 

  today I pray for strength above all else. 

almost halfway there, still living on a prayer!

   Today I'm 18 weeks pregnant, already!? I had an appointment today and got to see my baby; she's doing great (: I'm feeling ever so blessed that God gave us this second chance.. 

   I know  I often complain about how Oleg and I are doing this all backwards; we should be married then live together and have a baby! But I feel like God wouldn't have given us Joshua when he did if he thought we couldn't handle it. I think we have a really strong, deep, real relationship and I'm thankful for where we are. I know it's a little "backwards" but life happens (quite literally). And I know we'll have a great happy wedding (:

 

 

  I feel like life is really heading in a good direction. Hopefully Oleg will start school in the winter (even though having a baby, full time job and classes will be challenging, i have faith in him).

  I decided I'm not going to quit after having our baby. I'm so young and able, there's really no reason to stop working. It will be nice to have supplemental income to help with college, bills, and our savings. Plus it will get me out of the house, and I know I would miss it a lot if I left. 

   Other than that, not much else is new. I miss Dyll so much! I never see him anymore and it makes me so sad ): I know I need to make more of an effort, though. We're still looking for a place to live, or talking about looking, ha! 

I pray for safety, health, and peace~

streams of mercy never ceasing~

   Wow, what a week! It's been good but busy. Shelby and Addy have lived with us just over a week but it feels much longer! Having them around is fun (: On Sunday we went to the fair and Dyllan came with us; it was HOT!! But mostly fun, and very crowded. I think the kids enjoyed it anyway, which is all that matters <3

   Friday was no fun. I was having pain in my side that moved up to my chest, so we had to go to the ER (since the general practitioner can't do anything but an x-ray, which you can't get when pregnant). We were there for sooo long, just to find out nothing was wrong. Thankfully the pain was random, but I felt silly for even going in. We got to see our baby on a sonogram though, which was fun. 

   Yesterday I finally got the sex confirmed! The sonographer was only 80% sure, but I'll take 80% (; Of course my suspicions were right, and we're having a girl!! Yayy [: Everyone at work was asking me how I was so sure that she was a girl, and how I turned out to be right. I told them I just knew; I knew with Joshua too. I think I'm just very intuitive (; Shelby shares my "gift" of determining the gender of people's babies.. 

  Since Oleg couldn't be at the ultrasound with me, I wanted to surprise him with the sex of our baby. It wasn't quite as fun because we all knew the gender, but I got creative (;

  Anyway, I just wanted to say how thankful I am that my baby's still alive and I'm still healthy. God is so good to us<3

   Today I pray for health and serenity~

~peace.love.mak~

let it be~

   This last week has been interesting for sure. Not too much has happened, though. I have my next doctor's appoinment in a week, and I'll know the sex then! I'm excited, but nervous as always. Today marks week 15, and there's still a bun in my oven. I'm celebrating weekly because this 40 weeks seems like an eternity! 

   Shelby and Addy moved in last night; preparing for them was fun. We had to deep clean our spare room and all of our storage closets, which proved more challenging than I anticipated. But it's done and everything is swell~ Poor Addy has been sick though, and Shelby doesn't feel good now too. I really hope I don't catch what they have |: 

   Oleg and I are working on saving money, which apparently is very hard for us, ha! We'll have to learn soon though because although pregnancy seems never ending, it goes pretty quickly! We're still looking for a new place, so wish us luck~

  We went back to church yesterday for the first time in almost a year, and it was so refreshing. I miss church and community group so so much! I really hope we continue going every week, because it's what we need and what our baby-to-be needs! I don't have much else to write about today~

  Today I pray for health above all else, and also safety, protection, and happiness~

~peace.love.mak~

blessings fall like rain~

   Well, today marks week 14 of my pregnancy, and I'm still pregnant. Woohoo! There are so many other pregnant women around me it's incredible! I haven't told everyone yet, for two reasons:

  1- I don't want to be excited and have everyone excited if something were to go wrong later. and, 

  2- I fear judgment. I know people love and support us no matter what, but there are a lot of things that could be frowned upon. 

  I think I just hate the thought of disappointing peole.. 

   Anyway, my baby's as big as a navel orange (yumm!), and my bump is more noticeable. I don't have many comfy pants (except maybe sweats and a couple pairs of yoga pants), so I think I'll have to wear dresses, leggings, and keep holding my pants together with a rubber band as long as possible! 

  Since I had spontaneous preterm labor last time, the doctors are taking preventative measures this time. I have to get weekly Progesterone injections starting at week 16, and will go in every other week for monitoring. That means A LOT of appointments; I'm worrying about

how to fit everything into my already-chaotic work schedule. But my manager is pretty understanding, so I hope my

job isn't affected too much. 

[ this is Devony; we call each other work twins, and I will miss her bunches!]

  Oleg's been looking for a new job, just so we can be more financially stable. He wants me to quit Starbucks, but I figure I should work as long as I possibly can. I hope we'll be in a good enough place so I can take a year off after our baby's born, God willing! 

  God has been wonderful to us and I thank Him every day for all of our blessings. We have so much more than we could ask for, and I pray we can shine His light into the lives of others~

today I pray for health and happiness.

~peace.love.mak~

Blessed am I~

I'm feeling very relieved today. I had a doctors appointment this morning and an ultrasound was scheduled; of course I couldn't help but be filled with anxiety and what-ifs. As soon as I saw our baby dancing around, my nerves settled. I love her so much! I finally feel okay and like maybe this pregnancy will last.. I have the option of finding out the gender in just 3 weeks! But Oleg won't be able to be with me /: He said he wants me to find out anyway; I just hate to be go alone. The plus side is I'll be having many more ultrasounds throughout this pregnancy, and he'll be able to experience some of them with me. I just want everything to go well and to hold my baby in 6 months! Oh how I hope time flies. That's all for today, I just wanted to share my joy.

~peace.love.mak~

home is where the heart is

   I'm so so happy we're in Spokane! I've missed it here so much. Our Flatter family reunion was Saturday, and I was kind of sad to see how many people didn't show up. We still had a good time though~

   Debbie is so sweet and always has her arms open to us! Shelby and Addy were already staying here, and she still let me, Oleg, and Chris sleep here. She's the best<3 I'm happy Chris got to come; I think he's enjoying himself. Also he'll be staying a few more nights than we anticipated at our house, but that's okay.

 

   Addy makes me so happy! The last couple days I've spent most of my time with her and it's been wonderful. She makes me laugh all the time, and she's just so sweet and kind-hearted<3

  Oleg had to leave yesterday to go back home, since he works today. That was the first night we've spent apart since we've lived together (9 months). I don't understand how people do it all the time; maybe it gets easier, but I think we're just too attached to each other. I mostly feel sad for him because he's home alone whereas I have all these people around me. It will be a long 3 days /: (go ahead and mock me if you will!) 

   Baby update: I'm pretty sure I felt her squirming around this morning. I know they say it's impossible to feel your baby move at only 12 weeks, but I looked into it; many women say they felt it as early as 10 or 11 weeks. They say once you've felt it with your first baby, you'll notice it sooner with your following pregnancies. I pray all is well and that we get to keep this one. I know it's impossible to know the gender right now, but we're about 90% she's a girl. I can hardly wait!! I have 2 more appointments next week, so we'll see how she's doing. I'm very thankful these days~

  I pray for health and happiness today.

~peace.love.mak~

sometimes rainy days are all you need~

   I'm really excited! my best good cousin Chris is flying in from Cali tomorrow! He's staying with us a couple of nights, driving to Spokane for the family reunion, driving back, and spending a few more nights. I'm really stoked, except I wish I had more time off. I won't get to see everyone I was hoping to see in Spokane, but I can always go back in the fall (:

   Life has been so full lately; there's a lot going on! Work is busy as ever, and I'm so very thankful to have a job (although I may complain from time to time). I think Oleg and I are going to get officially married in the next month or so, and have the ceremony next summer. I'm okay with that (:

   Shelby and Addy will probably be living with us for a year or so starting in October/November. I think it will be challenging yet rewarding, just like parenting (;  

   For those who don't know, we're expecting again. I'm pretty sure this one's a girl! I'm sooo nervous but trying really hard not to be.. I am excited; how can you not be!? But of course those worries are in the back of my mind.. I know that I just have to trust God and know He'll be with us no matter what. 

  I pray today is a blessed one full of happiness and health~

peace.love.mak~

What a beautiful morning~

   My goodness! It's been almost a year and a half since I blogged; really!? Good thing no one reads this (; So much has happened in the last year.. where to begin?!
   Well, I've been working at Starbucks since last July and am now a supervisor! Boy is that an experience.. It's quite challenging at times, especially since my store is full of drama. I've considered quitting a few times, but decided that's not a good choice financially. So until I come across something else, Starbucks it is!
   I moved into my own place with a roomie in October, and she moved out in November.. So Oleg decided to take over her half of the rent and move in. It seemed awful at the time but turned out to be a blessing in disguise. We had just found out we were expecting a bundle of joy (oops!), so the spare room was perfect!
   March 3rd was the worst day of my life. That was the day our baby boy was born at only 21weeks 3 days.. It all happened so fast, and is still unbelievable to me. Thank God for all of my family and support; without them I'm not sure where I would be! Grieving is an odd process, and definitely has ups and downs. I'm finally to the point where I don't randomly cry about him; I can think and even talk about Joshua without bursting into tears. He'll always be in my heart, thoughts, and prayers though..
   In May we got engaged!! We wanted to be married this summer but just can't afford it ): I think we'll make it official at the courthouse in a few weeks and plan our ceremony for next summer (: Oleg is so wonderful to me! I'd be so lost without him; he's the best man I've ever known! And he's the love of my life<3
   I guess that's enough of an update for today (;

peace.love.mak ~