matters of the heart~

  Wow, I haven't written in about 2 months,, oops! I've been slacking on a lot more than blogging, sad to say. Life is very hectic right now, but I couldn't ask for more. I have the most wonderful people in my life, but often take them for granted. I forget to say how grateful I am, because I assume they know. But it's nice to hear every now and again, believe me. I've been a very selfish person lately, and for that I am so sorry. I'm sorry to everyone I hurt, ignored, took for granted, neglected, etc.. I want you all to know how much I love you. And know that my life wouldn't be worth living if it weren't for you~
  I just had the most humbling experience of my short life. Ashley and I had a much needed deep, honest, emotional conversation. She told me her deepest insecurities, and I found that to be so courageous. Not many people are willing to admit they have flaws, let alone express them to another person; I feel honored. She described me as this selfless, beautiful person. I never realized how she perceived me becuse this is far from how I see myself. I think I'm one of the most selfish people on this planet~ However, this proved to be an eye-opening experience. I expressed my disagreement, yet her answer didn't change. She really does love me and think I'm a beautiful person, and that is just a wonderful thing to hear. I then told her how much I love and admire her, and how I don't deserve her in the slightest. I also shared my biggest fear with her.. She agreed, but assured me she would never leave me. And goodness did that just melt my heart.
  I just feel so so so blessed right now, and don't understand how. How did I end up with such a good life, with so many people that truly love me, even through all of my selfishness? I feel very different right now..a little relieved, but also guilty for the way I've been acting. I can't change the past, but I can change my way of thinking and living from this point on. I can't stop saying how grateful, and sorry, I am. Thank you, God for granting me such a beautiful life that I don't deserve. And thank you my family and closest friends for not giving up on me, even when you probably should have. I love you all, so much. God bless~
~peace.love.mak~